How to Survive the First Month of New Motherhood

After nine long months of waiting and an agonizing number of hours going through labor and delivery, your baby is finally here. At first, you may feel relieved that you have brought this beautiful new life into the world. But as the hours pass, reality sets in and you begin to worry about your new role as a mother.

Basically, the first month of motherhood (and fatherhood, for that matter) is that time when you are learning the hard way (and with a lot of trial and error) the intricacies of baby care. You also need to learn how to balance your own personal care since you are still recovering from childbirth.

It is also a time when you discover the ways and means by which your baby communicates with you, whether it’s ear-piercing crying or gentle cooing, and a light touch on your skin while you breastfeed.

Of course, it’s not just about the baby. You and your spouse need to rediscover your bond and work together as a team in the care of your child. You also need to rekindle the fires of intimacy that had been doused while you were pregnant.

Here’s a list of things to do during the first month of motherhood:

Days 1-3

You are still in the hospital recovering from childbirth. Use this time to get to know your baby’s body by looking at him or her during your pediatrician’s examination. Take note of qualities such as birthmarks, the shape of his or her head, and other features.

The sight of your baby’s umbilical stump may worry you at first. But your pediatrician will surely give you advice on how to take care of this.

Do not forget to talk to the nurse to teach you on how to properly breastfeed or bottle-feed your baby. In the case of breastfeeding, this would include helping your baby to correctly latch on your breast and nipple. It may hurt at first, but it is a beautiful bonding experience.

Days 4-7

You finally bring your baby home. Perhaps the one thing that will have you in a frenzy is feeding. It would seem that your baby is hungry all the time, so you can’t get enough sleep. Since this is still a period of adjustment, alternate with your spouse especially in the evening when it comes to feeding your baby. For your convenience, you can place the baby’s crib in your bedroom and set up a comfortable rocker or armchair beside it.

Take the opportunity to learn your baby’s signals. Sometimes, your baby may smack his or her lips to indicate that he or she is hungry before crying. By anticipating these signals, you can be prepared to feed him or her.

You should also observe your baby’s elimination habits. Does he or she pee or move his or her bowels immediately after feeding ? Also take note of the quality of the stools: a baby’s stool during his or her first two days are colored black (known as meconium), but can change from yellow, green to brown as you feed him or her. Always have clean diapers ready beside your baby’s crib.

The first sponge bath is also an exciting encounter with your baby. Use a soft cloth dipped in warm water without any soap and gently scrub his or her face, going down to the body and legs. Keep the umbilical cord dry and clean, and make sure you dry him or her quickly with a towel. Let your baby wear a loose diaper or shirt to hasten the drying process.

But don’t neglect yourself during this period! It’s okay to take a bath, but be careful of the stitches if you had an episiotomy or a cesarean section. It may seem impossible, but try to grab as much sleep as you could in between feedings.

Week Two

Your routine continues as usual. By this time, you may have observed that you feed your baby at two-to-three hour intervals or, if you prefer, you feed him or her on demand. You may notice that your baby is prone to hiccups, which can be remedied by letting your baby burp halfway through a feeding.

If your baby is a persistent crier and you cannot figure out what is wrong, you might want to try rocking him or her in your arms. Maybe your baby is also sensitive to the temperature. A good rule is that you need to put an extra layer of clothing on your baby compared to what you are wearing at that moment. For example, if you are wearing a shirt, let your baby wear a cotton tee as well but swaddle him or her in a blanket. Always feel your baby’s hands. If your baby feels hot or cold, you can dress them down or up accordingly.

You might find some relief when family members come to visit. Accept their offer to watch your baby so you could take a nap. If your legs are still swollen at this time, make sure that you keep your feet elevated with pillows. Request your relatives that they wash their hands first and use alcohol before holding the baby to prevent the spread of germs.

Week Three

By week three, you would be relieved to discover that your baby’s umbilical stump had already fallen off. At this stage, you can already give him or her a tub bath. Use mild baby soap and shampoo, just make sure that you do not get any shampoo into your baby’s eyes.

As your baby becomes more aware of his or her environment, he or she becomes stimulated easily. Get ready for more crying fits.

Since your spouse may have returned to work at this time, your baby’s crying and exhaustion may make you susceptible to the “blues.” When this happens, look for someone to talk to, even if it is on the phone. Or you can have a neighbor or a friend look after your baby while you take a short breather to calm your nerves.

Do not be afraid to talk about your feelings to your husband. This will impress upon him how you need his help so that he would be more inclined to get up in the evenings to help feed the baby. Of course, do not let this situation be a one way street. Offer him loving, encouraging words. If the both of you are not too tired, you can be together with the baby during feeding time and just share a quiet bonding moment.

Week Four

By this period, you would have already established a routine with your baby. You can more or less predict when to feed him or her or when he or she needs diaper changing. While there may still be bouts of crying, there will be more occasions when you see your baby staring at you in wonder, smiling with such delight, and making soft “oh” and cooing noises.

However, do not keep your baby in the crib. You can give him or her more freedom by letting him or her play on a play mat.

At this point, you might want to consider introducing baby to the world by taking her out in a stroller and carrier. If you belong to a support group for new mothers, you might want to breastfeed him or her in public for the first time and learn new tips from your fellow moms.

Do not forget to bring your baby to your pediatrician for her first month appointment. Your doctor will take his or her measurements to see if he or she is growing well. Your doctor may also inform you to that a growth spurt can be expected by the sixth week, which would require more feeding.

To congratulate yourself for surviving the first month of motherhood, you and your husband can leave your baby with your in -laws or a relative and have a nice dinner out. Not only will this break give you some relief from the weeks of baby care, you will be able to enjoy a moment of intimacy with your spouse.

Motherhood and. Vulnerability
The vulnerability you feel when pregnant is nothing compared to the outright paranoia that settles in once you have that totally helpless little bundle of perfection in your arms and it strikes you that you are the one thing standing between it and death. When my son was about a week old my husband took him out for a walk so I could rest.

Rest? Ha! I was glued to the window for the entire time waiting to spot them rounding the corner, and finally there they were. My relief was short-lived, however, when I saw a woman who was obviously violently insane lurching down the road toward them. My husband was looking right at her and doing nothing — NOTHING! She was just seconds away from stabbing them both to death and there he was, smiling away like he didn’t have a care in the world. The crazed homicidal lunatic (or innocent passer-by depending on your own personal sanity level) passed them by, of course, quite uneventfully.

Just remember, no matter how convinced you become that a spider is going eat your baby or that the little blemish on his otherwise perfect butt is some form of baby cancer, you will learn to relax in the knowledge that your instincts are indeed enough to keep your baby well.

Motherhood and. Sleep
You may get one of those babies who start sleeping through the night at three weeks. Again, there have been five such babies — with rumors of a sixth somewhere in the South Pacific. Most likely for the first few weeks you will be awake every two hours or so. Even if you have no other responsibilities and plenty of helping hands, the lack of a good solid stretch of sleep can be devastating. It will affect your mood, your stamina, your emotions, and your ability to focus, and operate complex machinery, like the radio.

For some reason, our society treats sleep like some sort of luxury that only the weak indulge in. The truth is, sleep deprivation takes it’s toll on all of us. No one is immune. So, get as much as you can and be kind to yourself when you start to fray a bit around the edges.

Motherhood and. Diet
Right now, while your little bundle of joy is still stomping on your bladder and wrestling with your rib cage arrange to have a freezer full of heat and serve meals like casseroles and lasagna. Odds are you won’t have much time to cook, and when you do you won’t want to. But you will be hungry, particularly if you are nursing. Growing a human being and squeezing it out into the world takes its toll physically. You will need lots of easy to prepare, nutritious food. I recommend particularly a stash of your favorite comfort foods. As for dieting, the first three months are a time to make sure you are eating well.

Give yourself time to recover physically and settle into motherhood before beginning any sort of diet. You will probably, at some point during the first couple of weeks, take a good hard look at your naked body and cry louder than your baby. Please be kind to yourself and remember that in order to make room for your baby your body accomplished some strange and magical things; organs shifted, bones spread and your hormones made their presence known everywhere. It will take a little time for your body to go back to its humdrum life of one. Wait for the dust to settle, and let a little healing happen before you start trying to whip yourself into shape.

Motherhood and. Advice
You may not have received the Diaper Genie you were hoping for. Or many offers to do your dishes, or even the free sample of diapers you signed up for weeks ago. but one thing that I guarantee you will get plenty of is Advice. It will come from friends, family and strangers on the street. Some will be good, some bad, some irrelevant and some downright weird. My advice? Just smile, say thank you, take the good and toss the rest. Even the baby experts out there disagree on the ‘best’ way to raise a child, it comes to a point where you just have to trust that you know best what works and what doesn’t work for your baby and for yourself.

Motherhood and. Mood swings
If you find yourself overwhelmed by joy and feeling like the luckiest woman on earth that is no guarantee that five minutes later you won’t be sobbing uncontrollably wondering why you ever thought that you could do this Mother gig. You aren’t technically insane, just adjusting to the physical, emotional and social upheaval you are experiencing. Everything in your life has been turned on its head, you are exhausted and emotionally charged and your body is a chemistry experiment of hormones all running rampant. Enjoy the highs and weather the lows. It will settle down.

Motherhood and. Daddy
It is so easy as a new Mom to take all the care for the baby on yourself. Your baby has been part of you for over nine months. Giving that fragile little thing over to another’s care (even to your partner) can feel almost negligent. DO NOT GIVE INTO THESE FEELINGS! The sooner your partner feels comfortable with your baby the more relaxed you can be about actually taking a shower now and then or maybe even leaving the house! It may seem in these early days that when it comes to caring for your infant that having it done right (meaning of course, your way) is all-important. But, trust me, if you can bring yourself to let your partner take the baby out wearing a red sweater, a pink hat and orange polka dot pants, the future rewards are worth it.

Motherhood and. Housework
If you can afford to hire a maid service, do it. If you have an abundance of friends and family you can press into service, do that. If you have neither, then do just enough to keep the rats away and forget the rest. Your baby does not care if your furniture has been dusted or if your carpet is linty.

The first three months of your baby’s life are an amazing, truly magical time, and they whip by with tremendous speed. Make the most of them by asking for help when you need it and by mothering yourself a little as well. The Armed forces got it all wrong — this is the hardest job you’ll ever love.

Sarah Walker Caron

You may have cried. A lot. You may have agonized. You may have thought that you would never be one of those women who did any of those things. But the fact is that leaving your newborn baby is hard, and going back to work is even harder.

I had expected that leaving the kids at daycare would be hard. It was. But I hadn’t expected to feel so lonely in the early afternoons, a time when I would usually be nursing my newborn or playing with my toddler. But I survived and you can too.

A picture is worth a thousand words

When I returned to work after an almost-four month maternity leave, I was shocked by my coworkers ultra-warm reception. They were shocked that I hadn’t brought pictures that first day. Why not? I was so focused on enjoying my last moments of home time with my kids that I just forgot.
What to do: One week before returning to work, you should gather your photos and choose one or two to take to work. Go to a local store and find a pretty frame to house the photo(s) in and put it in your back to work bag. That way it’s already there and you cannot forget the way I did. And better yet, when you start to miss your baby, they are right there looking at you.

Milking it

I was very uncertain about pumping at work and very uncomfortable about asking anyone about it. For the first two months, I had a good thing going: our offices had been located in a different part of the building until last September. When I returned from maternity leave, I used one of the spare offices as my private pumping room. Unfortunately, that was nixed when construction crews blockaded the area and began demoing the walls.
I called HR and was told to use our medical center’s exam room (you know, where sick people go to lay down!). Fortunately, my recently returned pumping coworker also shared my dilemma and secured us a clean and private new location.
What to do: Ask HR about a pumping room. Do not accept any suggestions that the couch in the ladies room might be ideal. A clean private room or office with a chair and electrical outlet is necessary.

Acclimating to hours

My coworker was lucky to come back to a light schedule. Me? Not so much. My coworkers and I were in the middle of a crunch time and I couldn’t just start off light. The hardest part was putting in the long hours in the office and at home, where my breastfed daughter still gets up a few times a night.
What to do: the best solution I found was teaching my daughter the sidelying breastfeeding position. I had been sitting up to feed each time, but found myself unable to stay awake — which seemed pretty unsafe. In the sidelying, I don’t have to worry about her rolling off the pillow and I can continue to rest.

Speak your problem

When something goes wrong — like forgetting your pump or missing your child — never be afraid to say so. Admitting that there is an issue can help bosses and coworkers understand a little better . . . And maybe even lead them to help.
What to do: Just say whatever is on your mind.

More info for moms:

Take charge of your family’s finances with the Mom in Charge series!
Life after having baby: Is returning to work for you?
Breastfeeding and returning to work or school
Mother’s guilt: When you want to return to work

New parents share their strategies for finding some much-needed “me time” after the baby arrives.

The Stress Factor

While the birth of a new baby is indisputably miraculous, the demands are daunting, making the first year as exhausting as it is exhilarating. Pride and joy jostle with sleep deprivation, frantic scheduling, marital issues, and work pressures. “It’s a tidal wave effect,” says psychologist Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life, of the enormous adjustments each parent must make. “Adding a new family member is supposed to be a happy event, so people underestimate the profound stress of two people in one magical moment becoming three.” It’s no wonder that about 80% of new mothers experience some sort of mood disturbance, ranging from the baby blues to postpartum depression. Periodically, such high-profile cases as Andrea Yates’s drowning her five children highlight how serious these symptoms can be.

Fortunately, most new parents find creative solutions and support from friends and family to help ease the transition. “It’s critical to have your own coping strategies so you don’t end up feeling totally overwhelmed,” says Dr. Lerner. From music lessons and mountain biking to finding more “me” time, moms and dads divulge their secrets to getting through the first year with more grace and fewer tears:

• “I found that when I was home my kids only wanted to be with me. So what I often did to get some precious time to myself when another adult was there was to act as if I were leaving. I would say good-bye, then sneak back into my bedroom and shut the door to have an uninterrupted talk on the phone with a friend, a relaxing bath, or even just some peaceful time for reading. I did this to get through the first year, and quite frankly, I still do.”— Liz Lange, 36, president of Liz Lange Maternity, New York City, mother of Gus, 4 1/2, and Alice, 2

Losing Control

• “When my daughter Zoe was born, I went from being in control to realizing I was on a roller-coaster ride for the rest of my life waiting to find out what was around the next corner. I felt pushed down in the hierarchy of importance with my wife and yet was simultaneously required to do so much more. First, I switched jobs to a family-friendly company that understood the needs of a new father. I also discovered a neighborhood park that I went to on weekends with Zoe. It was a way for me to connect with other dads and put things in perspective. And I got closer with my parents. My mom shared her parenting wisdom, and my dad shared his cooking skills by making a meal for us once a week. It was a huge help. It was like I transcended my childhood because my parents and I were all in the same boat now.”— Kenny Miller, 38, television executive, New York City, father of Zoe, 5 1/2
• “I was very stressed and craved bonding time with my girlfriends, which was a new thing because in my pre-mommy life I was never much of a girlie girl and didn’t have many women friends. As a mother, I started totally appreciating and loving women. I yearned for time to talk with them about stuff that my husband had no interest in discussing. Because of this, my friends and I started a Mom’s Margarita Madness club. We met every Tuesday at 4 p.m. at a nearby restaurant that was mom-, stroller-, and crying baby-friendly and had a drink or two. We made it a point to compliment one another on how well we were surviving. We didn’t discuss how much we missed our sex lives, our pre-baby bodies, our careers, or our freedom. When we took one look at our kids, we realized we weren’t really missing anything, except maybe sleep.”— Stacey Wax-Distell, 34, stay-at-home mom, New York City, mother of Dylan and Ryan, 2

• “Being a mother, working full time, and finishing up a master’s degree had my mind working on overdrive. I knew my schedule would be a lot of work, but I wasn’t prepared for the sheer mental exhaustion. It was grueling. So I decided that every night at 9 p.m. was scheduled “me” time. No matter what the current crisis, my husband knew the ball was in his court. I would retire to the tub with a glass of wine and a good book for a hot bubble bath. I’d either reflect on the day or just not think at all. It allowed me to unwind from the craziness, escape from responsibility — even if only for a half-hour. It made me a happier wife and mother.”— Kirstin Rochford, 32, medical research ethicist, Houston, mother of Justin, 2

Finding Balance

• “My emotions were all over the place. I felt off-center, like I couldn’t breathe. At the same time this was happening, I saw several beautiful celebrities in magazine spreads who’d just had babies and looked slim and fit mere weeks after giving birth. I thought, they’re taking time for themselves, why aren’t I? It really motivated me. I wasn’t ready to conquer the physical yet because I knew the emotional had to come first, so I started doing energy-balancing work called Flow Alignment and Connection. You lie there on a massage table and essential oils are rubbed all over you. The goal is to find blocked energy points and to work on those areas. It’s very subtle but extremely powerful. It made me feel renewed and peaceful. I felt like a person again.”— Nicki Francis, 36, stay-at-home mom, New York City, mother of Jamie, 1
• “As a stay-at-home dad, I sometimes feel like I’m in a second-class position. People often assume I don’t know what I’m doing as a father. I make a concerted effort to take it in stride, and I feel like a daddy activist in my own way. My coping strategy has been to just focus on the relationship between me and my children. I continually remind myself that the evidence is right in front of me, so I take my cues from my kids. If my children are happy, then I know I’m doing things just fine. I’ve also gotten back into yoga in a consistent way since becoming a father, doing it every day during the week. I seriously needed to chill out. Yoga gives me some time for myself, when I don’t have to worry about my daughters. And it’s perfect for helping me to focus, relax, and stay balanced.”— Mahlon Stewart, 34, stay-at-home dad and physical therapy student, New York City, father of Veronica, 4 1/2, and Beatrix, 4 months

All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.

I’m a freelance writer social distancing in the desert with my husband, son, two dogs, a kitten, and the occasional spider.

6 Tips to a Successful Maternity Leave

Maternity leave is the first time many professional women take a break from working for an extended period of time. On the surface, this sounds completely awesome: Three months of vacation. . . score! But in reality, a woman on maternity leave will probably be facing tougher challenges than ever before and on a lot less sleep.

As a first-time mom, my expectations for maternity leave were askew. I was completely unprepared for some of the traps of maternity leave. The isolation and lack of human contact, the overwhelming sleep deprivation, and a new found addiction to the Young and the Restless spoilers. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently.

Following are my tips for staying sane and enjoying time off of work with your new baby.

Tip #1: Make a Point to Get Dressed Every Day

PJs and slippers are a great comfort when you’re taking a sick day. But you shouldn’t treat raising an infant as if it were a sick day. You will be busy, engaged, and involved in the early development of a child who is absorbing everything in the world around him or her, including bonding with you.

I’m not saying your baby is going to go all Stacy London and Clinton Kelly on you — “Mother dear, those sweatpants make your butt look huuuuuuge” — but for your own sanity, put on some real clothes. It will improve your mood and make you feel more mentally prepared to deal with the events and challenges of the day ahead.

Tip #2: Get Out of the House at Least Once a Day

Try to get out of the house at least once a day. It does wonders for your mental health.

This isn’t only for your sake, but for your child’s sake as well. It’s not healthy to stay cooped up all the time like a caged bird. Let yourself fly free.

Take your baby for a walk every now and then (it will also help take off those pregnancy pounds). Or meet a friend for lunch and show off your new bundle of joy. No matter what you and your friend talk about, it will feel like rocket science compared to the usual, “Who wants a bottie of milky? I have it here my little cutie patooti pie.”

Tip #3: Don’t Have Too Many Expectations

Before maternity leave, I was convinced three months was enough time to start my own business, write a book, paint my bedroom, plant a vegetable garden, learn to knit, take up Pilates, organize my closet, rip out the carpet, install Pergo, etc. etc. etc.

I never really considered:

1. I would be raising a small human being.
2. I would be so exhausted and sleep deprived that the insides of my eyelids would become the most beautiful site in the whole wide world.

About two months in I felt like a bit of a failure. I hadn’t accomplished any of the above. Then it dawned on me. Hello! You are setting the foundation for a completely new-to-this-universe, tiny human being. Cut yourself a break.

Tip #4: Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Grandmas come in handy!

From preparing healthy meals to effective grocery shopping to changing dirty diapers, there is no shame in asking for help. In fact, I have always believed that admitting you need help is a sign of strength. And why wouldn’t you need help? You are over-tired, over-stimulated and likely a bit overwhelmed. Motherhood is a new challenge, and it’s natural to feel a bit of stress.

Ask your significant other, your friends or a family member for whatever help you might need. I am willing to bet that anyone who cares about you will be will be thrilled to step in and lend a hand.

Tip #5: Find a Reliable Babysitter

If you have a reliable friend or family member who you trust as a babysitter (grandmas are a particularly good choice), make a point to get away at least once a week and go out on a date with your significant other or simply enjoy some me-time. Go shopping, get a mani-pedi or (even better) take a nap. Yes you will miss your baby like crazy. Yes you will worry non stop. But it is good for you to take a break from being a mommy every now and again.

• Learn to let go when you make mistakes. Even experienced mothers makes tons of them. Go easy on yourself! In a few months’ time, you’ll look back and pat yourself on your back for how you were able to handle everything beautifully.
• Don’t be scared to ask for help. None of us here is a superwoman, and definitely are not less of a parent if we ask for help. In fact, going through the most life-altering phase of our life and childbirth is no cake walk! So, take a deep breath and say HELP! It’ll make life a bit easier.

• Ninety percent of the time you wonder about when you can lie down and catch up on lost sleep. I would say, in the initial few days, you should sleep as the baby sleeps. This way, recuperation gets easier and better. Sleep deprivation leads us nowhere. Gradually, things will get easier, and then you can form a routine. Healing your own self is very very important, and sleep does wonders!

• Get away from the Mumma guilt. Let others in the family take care of the baby, too. This won’t make you a bad mother – in fact, the baby will get some extra love from others at home! You can very well utilise that time for some ‘me’ time, nap time, or any unfinished task time. (This is especially useful for those staying in a joint set up.)
• Trust your instincts, as it gets overwhelming sometimes with loads of information from family, relatives, neighbourhood, blogs, parenting apps, and more. Filter the information according to what suits you, and take the rest with a pinch of salt. You know what suits you and your baby the best!

• Don’t be a part of the rat race. By this I mean, not necessarily everything that worked out for me, will work for you as well, and vice versa. Slowly and gradually, you will get into the groove, and will be able to chalk out a plan that suits you and your baby the best, be it a sleep pattern, feeding schedule, nap time, or play time!

Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her.

I’m so excited to be here at Mother’s Niche as a parenting contributor! Last August, my husband and I welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our lives, thus making us first time parents. Today I’d like to share some tips and tricks we learned along the way to survive those confusing and frustrating, yet sweet, first days and weeks with a newborn. I hope they will help at least one family have some sanity, sleep or comfort!

• Keep A Notebook Nearby!Mommy brain is real people! With little sleep and a physically demanding day, your brain can easily turn to mush. Keep a notebook and pen nearby so you can jot down thoughts, to do lists, grocery lists, meal planning ideas or anything that comes to mind. These late night scribbles might also serve as amusing reads once your sanity is back in full swing! 🙂
• Accept Outside Food! If someone offers to bring you homemade food, say YES PLEASE! Feeding yourself and your family gets pushed low on the priority list once the little one is near. Take the food offered and you’ll have one less thing to plan.

• Accept Outside Help! If anyone offers to come over and help you do something, give it long consideration and accept! A friend or family member can hold/watch/walk the baby while you nap/shower/eat. They can put in a load of laundry or put the dishes in the dishwasher. Tip: create a sign near your laundry on how you prefer to have it done so they don’t have to ask you a million questions but can follow what you’ve already outlined.
• Create Mini Routines! The first few days and weeks are anything but routine but there are simple things you can do to help kick off a good flow. Each morning before work, my husband would check out stock of diapers by the changing table, high protein snacks near my spot on the couch and check with me on our plans for dinner in case anything needed to be defrosted. At night, while he got her settled and ready for bed, I’d clean the bottles or pumping equipment and empty the garbage pail. Repeat the same steps each day or night so things are somewhat in your predicted order when needed.

At home with the kids? Instantly access any of these printable activity bundles to keep them learning!

• Go Hands Free! There were two items that came in handy A LOT those first few days/weeks and now months: a portable bassinette and a wearable baby carrier. I was able to put baby down in the bassinette and bring her into the bathroom to take a shower, in the kitchen to make food or near the computer when uploading her latest cute photos. My husband and I both wore her in the baby carrier so we could have two hands to clean, go grocery shopping or hang out at a family function. Bonus: wearing babies also puts them to sleep!
• Get a Video Monitor! My daughter slept in a bassinette in our room the first six months, but we made use of the video monitor during daytime naps so I could get stuff done in the house. It’s now in full affect every night where she safely sleeps in her nursery. TIP: Get a second power cord for the monitor screen. While it does have a long battery life, in the case of the model we chose, if we left it plugged in, the screen would stay illuminated and I could easily glance over at the screen from across the room. Without being plugged in, the screen shuts off to save battery life and I’d always wonder if that little whimper was a cute dream or a call for mom.
• Send Dad to bed early! While I stayed home taking care of our daughter, my husband continued to work a full time job. In the first few weeks, after dinner, I’d send him to bed, even if it was 7pm! If I needed him to take a turn with the baby at midnight, I knew he already had 5 good hours and could get more after she was back to sleep.
• Free Breast Pump. If you haven’t already ordered a breast pump, get one for free and avoid the paperwork with your insurance company with the tips in our free breast pump with insurance article.

If you have any basic tips on newborn life for other expecting parents, leave me a comment!

If you’re looking for more parenting advice, check out my first time mom advice series at my blog Spot of Tea Designs!

Pregnant mothers-to-be are often not prepared for what lies ahead in the first month of their baby’s life.

Life can feel like it has been turned upside down but rest assured that after the first few weeks, most new moms get into the swing of things.

However, being prepared and understanding that things might not go exactly as you have planned can help you to make it through those first few weeks.

It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Most new mothers feel nervous and even terrified in the first few weeks home from the hospital.

If you’re having a very hard time you may want to get checked by your doctor for postpartum depression.

Joining a support group is also a great way to find women who feel the same way as you do.

First Time Moms

It’s vital to remember to be gentle with yourself. No matter how many books you have read on the subject nothing can really prepare you for what it feels like to be a new parent.

The moment you look at your precious baby and realize that you are now, in fact, somebody’s mother can be both an exciting and frightening moment.

Many new moms even feel terrified to leave the hospital and not sure they will know how to care for their new baby.

Not to worry. While certain parts of baby care aren’t exactly instinct you’ll quickly get the hang of it. Remember not to be afraid to ask for help.

Too Many Guests

One thing many first time mothers assume is that they will need as much help as they can get from family and friends.

In reality, if this is your first child and you have no one else to take care of, you probably don’t need much, if any help at all.

Many mothers report that having overbearing parents telling them what to do with their new baby can actually be very frustrating and upsetting instead of being helpful.

If your partner can take some time off work consider spending the first few weeks as just the three of you.

Getting to know your new baby and adjust to having a new member of the family really doesn’t need help from anyone else at all.

Even new mothers who have had C-sections are completely fine to take care of their baby on their own.

If you do decide to have house guests try and set some ground rules before your baby is born. This way you will not feel overburdened to entertain and guests.

This first month at home is an important bonding time for mother, father, and baby.

Breastfeeding

Many new mothers are terrified of breastfeeding issues. At the hospital, some babies have latching issues and some nurses may push formula feeding.

If your hospital has a lactation consultant on staff, by all means, meet with her even if breastfeeding seems to be going along fine.

She can answer any questions or concerns you may have and help to guide you and your baby in the right direction to developing a healthy breastfeeding relationship.

Many moms feel pressured to either breastfeed or supplement with formula depending on a number of circumstances.

Just know that the most important thing is your baby is getting nourishment whether it’s in the form of breast milk or formula.

Even if your baby is having latching difficulties and you are determined to breastfeed you don’t need to give up.

Most doctors’ offices have a lactation consultant there or at least one they can refer you to. They’ll be able to help solve almost all breastfeeding issues.

You Don’t Need Much

Once you get home you may be worried that you don’t have everything you need for your new baby.

Newborns don’t need much in their first month of life, especially if you’re breastfeeding.

Have plenty of diapers on hand, weather appropriate clothing, formula if you need it, and of course your baby’s car seat.

Many parents stress about having every baby product at home before the baby even arrives.

Parents spend hundreds of dollars on the best baby swing only to find that their baby hates it.

If you have other friends with children ask to borrow baby items such as bouncy chairs and swings to see if your newborn enjoys them at all before you invest in your own.

Advice for new moms: Enjoy Your New Baby

The main thing to try and remember is to relax and enjoy your new baby. The newborn phase is fleeting and before you know it your new bundle of joy will be climbing all over the furniture, getting into all sorts of trouble.

Sleep can be hard to come by with a newborn but if you don’t have any older children, then sleep when your baby sleeps whether it’s 3 am or 3 pm.

If you’re stressed out about having guests over in your messy house then don’t have guests over. Everything else can wait.

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As promised, the story goes on. This bit is about us (Emma the mom, Rob the daddy and Eric the baby) surviving from 2 to 6 months. You can read how we made it through the most difficult first two months here.

Once Eric was 2 months old, my mother came to meet her first grandson, she stayed with us for a month. I consciously postponed her visit because I wanted to use the first two months to bond with Eric, get used to this whole new situation, start to understand my baby’s needs. It is my understanding that if you start to rely on advice of “more experienced people” from the very beginning, then you do not develop your own ability to observe, understand what’s going on and make your own decisions – so I tried to avoid that as much as I could.

Now at this point you are probably thinking: “Aha, so you had your mother there to help you!”. The thing is, that her visit brought equal amount of help and extra work so I can’t say that I’ve been resting more while she stayed with us. She came from overseas and we took her on trips to various places, which wasn’t always easy and enjoyable with a 2 months old baby. Eric, our poor free spirit, hated being strapped in his car seat and could scream on top of his lungs for an hour.

Now I must say that we didn’t plan beyond the first 3 months – and I am glad we didn’t. Having a baby changes a person a lot and after Eric was born I have made some decisions that I wouldn’t make before I had him.

One of those decisions was not to put my baby in the childcare. We, Rob and I, discussed it and agreed that we want to keep him at home until he is eating solids and not relying on me for food. I was breastfeeding and there was an additional reason against placing the baby in the child care – he wouldn’t take bottles and I didn’t want to wean him before he is at least 6 months old. But I had to return back to work – even if for a few hours a week – and needed extra help. So we planned that Rob would help me at home.

When Eric was 3 months old, mom left and, as we planned, Rob quit his main job to help me at home with the baby. He did what not many dads are prepared to do – he became a stay-at-home dad. Some of the people we know didn’t understand his choice (some even said so to his face), but he was man enough to do what’s best for his son – even though it wasn’t the best for his “macho reputation”.

With Rob’s help I was able to return to work and I started to do 10 hours a week. That meant 2 hours every day – I was planning to do that when Eric is asleep or while Rob is taking him for a stroll. Rob was still working part time, one-two days a week. So his income, whatever I earned and some money from the government were enough to keep us afloat. Of course we could hardly make the ends meet but we decided that it was worth it – Eric got to stay home with us and not in the child care.

We even started to take Eric to the pool twice a week, from 4 months of age and until 11. I have read a lot about swimming for babies and how it makes them stronger and develops coordination and motor skills, so once he had his immunizations we started to go. First Eric and I were having a swim, and then I would dress and feed him, give him to Rob and swim some laps myself. That really helped me to get back to shape – I was back to my pre pregnancy weight when Eric turned 6 months.

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I know for a fact that many young and not so young couples rely on family (grandparents mainly) for babysitting and help with the kids. I also know that a couple can do just fine on their own without any extra help – Rob and I did. Make no mistake, it’s not easy – but certainly doable.

My friends were talking about not being able to move to another city because they were terrified of loosing the support that Nan and Pop are providing and I thought – you can’t allow that kind of fears rule your life. So this post is all about how a couple can have a baby and survive – on their own, in a strange city, where they barely know 5 people.

Here’s how we did it:

We’ve done some research, found out what kind of main baby things we would need – a cot, a bath, a changing table, a pram. A month before the baby’s due date we went and bought them. We weren’t sure about the car seat, what type would be the best, so we ended up renting a capsule for the first 6 months.

I went on my maternity leave a week before the due date. That gave me enough time to get the house ready for the baby, buy some baby clothes and do some reading about what exactly do people do with a newborn. I needed to be prepared because there wasn’t anyone I could ask.

We planed everything for the first 3 months of baby’s life: