Lightsaber Techniques - AskMen

Lightsaber Techniques You Probably Won't See In Star Wars: Episode 7

July 22, 2014

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Right, so lightsabers, as they appear in the Star Wars franchise, are not real, so nothing you see below can actually be applied in real life. Unless, of course, lightsabers, and the ability to use telekinesis, i.e. The Force, become a reality, in which case you are more than welcome to thank us (and the Imgur account where we found the images).

Even though nothing is stopping game developers currently working on the next iteration of a Star Wars game from adding these fun moves in (or J.J. Abrams from adding them in the movies), these images and moves are fun to go over nonetheless. Check them out below (hit the images for larger versions).

Thanks to Imgur user CaitlynPetersen for posting them

The below moves, The Viper's Tongue and Sarlacc's Face are a great way to distract your opponent before going in for the kill.

These next two moves, Cease and Desist and Fading Menace, are a great way to disarm your foe and counter a Sarlacc's Face attempt, respectively.

Creating the Void and Deadly Attraction, two moves that end with your lightsaber getting to know your opponent a little more intimately.

Dewback Tail will leave your opponent with a broken nose and a serious headache while Restore the Balance will counter Creating the Void, and leave your opponent without calves (good thing the Stars Wars universe can easily provide you with robotic limbs).

Aggressive Negotiations is a great way to leave an opponent without fingers (again, robotics). While Shockwave will counter Deadly Attraction and leave your body intact (who cares though, because robotics, am I right?).

You are in for a treat with these two. The Force Grenade? How cool is that? Just toss that sucker in back of your opponent and let the Force do its thing. The Sand Twister will leave your opponent without arms and quite possibly, no head.

Hyperspace is a neat little trick that will leave your opponent with no voice box, and a giant hole where a neck should be. Rising Sun will counter the awesome Force Grenade and leave your opponent with half a body (it may also do lots of damage to the groin area).

Alternate Path will leave your opponent without the use of one arm and one leg. Do not attempt Last Meteor Rain unless you have two lightsabers (any color). Proceed to fool your opponent by throwing one lightsaber at their face and immediately follow up with a lunging downward slash that will remove a quarter of their head along with half their upper torso (Padawans should not attempt this).

Now if you fancy the Dark Side and have aligned yourself with The Sith, these are especially for you. Starting with the Proton Torpedo which will lightning punch your opponent right in the gut, at which point you may proceed to torture. Space Slug is the ol' "I surrender, I surrender... no I don't" trick that will quickly disarm your opponent. Proceed to torture.

Dark Path is pretty much the way of the Sith: Kill an innocent bystander to distract your opponent, and then stab them. Proceed to torture. Not The Droids You're Looking For, not to be confused with "These are not the droids you're looking for", is actually a ploy to distract — proceed to stab, and shoot lasers... Then proceed to torture.

The Dark Rift, a neat little trick that uses the Saberstaff the way it was meant to be used. When your first attempt is blocked, turn on the other end and swing upwards. No torture necessary. The Blazing Supernova requires two lightsabers and the ability to spin very fast while extending your lightsabers in a swinging motion. Your opponent's limbs can then be picked up off the floor and thrown into the trash. 

For the last two techniques, we have the Seek and Destroy and It's A Trap! Seek and Destroy is very stealthy, as it allows you to take out your opponent without them even knowing you're there. Proceed to torture. As for It's A Trap!, all you need to do is lure your opponent into a friendly meeting between the two of you and proceed to invite the rest of your friends to join in on the fun. (Proceed to torture, naturally.)